


The Clexa Trap - Before Clarke

by Command3rH3artEyes, Spoilmeglam



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Backstory, Distant Dad, Drunk Mom, Dysfunctional Family, F/F, Fluff and Smut, High School, High school smut, No Clarke, Ok maybe S-M-U-T let me know in comments, Pre-Clexa, Shameless Smut, Siblings, Smut, Tragedy, fucking fluffy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-02
Updated: 2017-02-07
Packaged: 2018-09-20 17:37:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9502700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Command3rH3artEyes/pseuds/Command3rH3artEyes, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spoilmeglam/pseuds/Spoilmeglam
Summary: This is what life was like for young Lexa Woods growing up. It describes the experiences in her life, the choices that she made and what made her the adult that she eventually became.ORPrologue to a very long and adorable angsty College AU Clexa slowburn.





	1. The Early Years

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic. 
> 
> This work is the first part of a much larger storyline. It has been carefully planned out.
> 
> This work along with the one listed below are, together the first part of The Clexa Trap series. I will be co-authoring this series with @Spoilmeglam who has written a piece that is parallel to this piece. Both pieces should be read before continuing onto part two of the series.
> 
> Link to Before Lexa:  
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/9573599/chapters/21647405
> 
> Comments greatly appreciated, but please be kind to my sensitive heart ♡ Thank you in advance for reading! I hope you enjoy!

 

 

Some people in this life were just born with certain privileges, things came easy for them, not Lexa Woods. While life was not easy it did teach Lexa some very valuable lessons, some which stayed with her for a long time. Growing up Lexa didn't have rich parents and a big house with an inground pool and everything she'd ever want for in life.

Her mom and Dad had divorced when she was ten, her older sister was thirteen and her little brother only two. Lexa had worked for almost everything she ever had. She rarely had anything she wanted before she was old enough to babysitt for spending money when she was fourteen. Hell, before that she was lucky if she had what she needed.

 Her mom & dad, Mr. and Ms. Woods.... they actually had an colorful and lovely story of how they met. Lexa's mother's name was Ana. She was born in and grew up in Austria. To say she was beautiful would be a gross understatement.

Although Lexa's sister Anya was named after their mother it was Lexa who really looked most like their mother. Ana also had stark green eyes and shiny, curly, bouncing brown hair. In fact when Lexa and her sister were very young and their parents were still married before their younger brother came and when their mother was less drunk, both the girls can faintly remember a much happier time. A time when they might sit on mother's bed in the morning after breakfast and she was getting the little ones ready for the day and then herself. The then young Mrs. Ana Woods would often powder her nose then the small button noses of Lexa and Anya, making the girls giggle.

Lexa sometimes thought of those happy days later when she was sad or lonely as a child before she was gripped in the clutches of adolescence and it changed her forever. Those early years when her father was still enlisted in the army and her family was whole and Lexa or Anya would beg to see the precious few timeless looking pictures that Ana had of herself as a child of about 8 years old. At that time both Anya and Lexa appeared almost identical to the little girl in the pictures, the young Ana of Austria. The girls delighted in this simple and almost daily ritual with their mother. It made them feel special and close to their mother. When Lexa would later call up her memories of being so little, so proud to be so much like her beloved mother and older sister. These memories made her feel less lonely as the sound of her childhood laughter still echoed faintly in her ears. These memories would warm her even though she smiled sadly at them as she lay awake in bed when sleep would evade her.

Lexa was a sensitive child, indeed, even though this fact was almost never obvious to anyone besides her mother & her sister. They were a close family before things changed.

Their father, Lexander Woods was a striking young man who joined the army fresh out of high school at the age of 18. He grew up in New York city and was raised by a single mother. Lexa's paternal grandfather was also in the army. He was killed before Xan Woods was old enough to speak in full sentences in a long ago war fought on the other side of the world for reasons almost forgotten by those at home. Come to be known as Xan by those close to him, Lexa's rather unique name was derived from her father's name. After the arrival of two sweet daughters Xan and Ana Woods didn't intend for more children to grace their family so Lexa was the closest thing her father thought he may get to a namesake. Their mother would later say that Aden came to remind her that miracles do happen.

Lexa was named after her father and she was highly intelligent like him. He was an Aircraft Test Pilot for the United States Army. After several years of intense military training to acheive a high rank and security clearance he was stationed in Austria testing the most high tech and cutting edge aircraft that the United States govornment was creating. Lexa's father met her mother there when he would go into town several times a month with his army buddies to a restaurant where Ana was serving tables. She was younger than him, still finishing school. She was instantly smitten with the dark haired, dark eyed American Army man. He was quiet and charming, not even loud when inebriated and free of his responsibilities and inhibitions. He was drawn to Ana's incredible green eyes that later reminded him of his wife long after they had a family and divorced because life just is not fair but he had to look into the bright green eyes of his daughter, his namesake Lexa.

Ana and Xan dated and spent time learning about each other for several years in Austria before having a quaint German wedding that Ana's father happily paid for. During those years Xan learned to speak German from Ana and she perfected her english with him. He learned almost everything about German beer and food, he told her everything about America. Ana simply adored him. She would later tell her young daughters about how her own father in Austria was so old fashioned he required that young Xan court her according to the custom in her culture then. He didn't mind at all.

Ana's parents didn't live to meet their granddaughters. They were both killed in a serious car accident a few months after Xan married their daughter.

Ana Woods had never really gotten over the tragic and unexpected death of her parents. Not having much family other than her parents, no brothers and sisters, Ana had taken care of her parent's affairs after the accident with the help of her new husband. The newlyweds knew that Xan woods would be returning within the year to the United States with his beautiful young bride. He was eager to do so. He tried to be supportive, he knew that the loss of her beloved mom and dad so soon after getting married was devistating.

It was the beginning of a long descent into darkness. Ana hid much. Not wanting to feel like she was displeased with the direction that her life was headed she put on a happy face and seemed to move on. Together they sold or donated the modest home and possessions left behind by Ana's parents.

When Xan received orders from the army to return home to the United States of America, neither of them knew yet that Ana was already expecting their first child. They first went to upstate New York where Xan's mother lived. He had only seen his mother a few times while stationed in Austria. He was very close to her and they wrote to each other regularly even in this day of internet and social networking. Xan's mother wasn't very computer literate. She was of the opinion that hand written letters was a dying art form and it was way too under valued. Ana found this just one of the many endearing qualities about her new mother-in-law. The two women bonded quickly in the short few weeks that the newlyweds were in New York after they moved to Xan Woods' home country.

It was Xan's mother that figured out Ana was pregnant, she just knew. Some people have that sixth sense, almost as if they can see what is happening behind the scenes and Lexa's paternal grandmother was definitely one of them. Things rarely slipped past her. The older woman asked Ana if she was feeling tired alot and randomly nauseous, especially in the mornings. When Ana confirmed that she in fact was, Xan quickly went to the store and returned with three different home pregnacy tests and a bottle of expensive champagne. He was excited. Xan and Ana were shocked and pleasantly surprised when all three tests yielded positive results. The young couple hadn't yet talked about a family but that was alright. Ana was only twenty-five at the time but she loved children, always had. The discovery of this unexpected pregnancy made her proud and happy. She hoped that this child would help fill the hole in Ana's heart that was left by the untimely loss of her parents and it did, for a while at least.

Ana moved to San Diego, California with Xan where his next army post was scheduled. There they started a family. San Diego is where the three Woods children were born and raised.

Lexa's mom drank. She drank too much and rarely kept a steady job. The alcohol eventually ruined her marraige. Lexa and her siblings took care of themselves, they took care of each other. Lexa was the middle child. Being the middle child is often regarded as difficult. Syndromes and dysfunctions sprout and grow out of this difficulty. Whatever didn't kill Lexa inevitably made her stronger. She liked being the middle child. Her older sister Anya simulated their mostly absent mother. Absent meaning mentally because Lexa's mother was usually home, she was just drunk or passed out. Anya made sure the bills got paid, she cooked and cleaned, made sure herself, Lexa and their little brother Aden had what they needed. Anya was the first important person in Lexa's life.

As a young child Lexa idolized Anya. Three years older than her Anya was always calm and responsible. She was also a firm disciplinarian and she was fierce. Lexa always knew that Anya expected much more than average. Lexa always gave it. Aden was younger than Lexa, much younger, eight years younger. Lexa loved Aden dearly. She cradled Aden as an infant and held his bottle while he ate. She helped change his bottom and bathed him. Between Anya and Lexa, Aden was quite the happy baby and child. He wanted for nothing no matter how much their mother drank or slept.

To say that things were difficult for the three Woods children didn't mean that they were unhappy in their younger years. They had each other. Anya thrived on taking care of Lexa and Aden as well as their mother Ana. While it's true that divorce isn't easy on anyone involved, it did lessen the tension between Lexa's mother and her father. She knew that her mother was drinking and passed out much of the time. She was smart enough at a young age to have a sense of how her mother's drinking had a generally negative effect on everyone in the family.

Lexa lost the first person that she deeply loved when her parents divorced. Xan Woods was a good father and husband, he was a good provider but he lost his wife to depression and alcohol. He worked long hours then came home to Ana sleeping her depression away in a booze induced coma like state. He would do what he could to take care of his children when he was home. He made the most of his precious time with Anya, Lexa and Aden. He took them to many places; movies, the beach, the playground, he was an active and loving father. 

When Anya was twelve and Lexa was nine their father learned that his army career was moving him to Texas. Xan and Ana made the difficult decision that he would go on his own. Neither of them wanted to uproot the family, even though moving frequently is common for military families. It was a convenient reason for Xan to escape his lonliness. He didn't want to leave his children but he didn't know how to help Ana stop drinking. He loved his children and he loved their mother. He had loved her for alot longer and it was difficult for him to see his wife in so much pain, to watch her drown her depression in a bottle.

Xan relocated to Texas and was divorced from Ana within a year. He remained a good provider. Ana never had to work a job, not that she was ever sober enough to do so anyway. Xan never wanted his children to go without the basics so he sent an ample amount of support every month. Luckily for the family he made a very good income. Ana wasn't by any means well off but her and the kids never went without groceries or a roof over their heads. 

Anya, Lexa and Aden went to stay with their father over summer break and Christmas break when school was out. Lexa didn't enjoy these visits but nobody really knew, not even Anya. Lexa had begun to build walls around her sensitive heart. She knew why her parents had divorced but that didn't mean she had to accept her circumstances. In her opinion her father had taken the easy way out, he had given up on not only on his wife but on Lexa and her siblings. To young Lexa it seemed very simple. She would learn as she grew older that most difficult situations in life are not simple but still, the break up of her family had a profound effect on her.

Even though Lexa was loved by both of her parents as well as her older sister she had already begun to tell herself that love is weakness. She began to think of love as conditional when it shouldn't be. Before Lexa was born her father had vowed to love her mother forever, unconditionally, in sickness and in health, "until death do us part". Ana Woods wasn't dead but Xan Woods wasn't around everyday to tell her that he loved her, to cherish her and help her. 

Depression and alcohol had taken both of her parents' away from her. Lexa never forgot the way that she felt from that loss at such a tender age. The hole it left in her soul and the never sated hunger she felt for the happiness and security that she once felt.

* * *

* * *

 


	2. Before Costia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We learned in the first chapter about Lexa's family and the history of her early childhood. Some of these experiences helped shape her personality. Like most other people Lexa had to adapt to decisions made by others but had a profound impact on her own happiness. In this chapter the struggles that Lexa endures begins to extend to her peers.

* * *

* * *

 Lexa stood in the hallway of the sixth grade wing. She knew she had less than a minute to get to her next class because the warning bell had already rung, she also knew she would never make it. A bang echoed through the halls as she slammed the door of her locker. Most of the other students had already gone to class and the hallway was mostly empty.

Lexa rolled her eyes as the final bell rang. She happened to be walking under one of the loud speakers mounted at the top of the hallway wall with a bell attached underneath it, as if she needed an extra loud reminder that she was tardy. She hated being late even though she never understood how she was supposed to be on time when most of her classes were at the other side of the building from the sixth grade hall where her locker was.

It was mid January and school had been in full swing for almost two weeks since Christmas break. Lexa loved school but socializing had always been awkward for her. The other kids could be really cruel. They mistook her quietness for weakness. Lexa wasn't like most girls, giggly and bubbly, more worried about boys and friends than grades.

Lexa had even cemented her place as supernerd by carrying five textbooks, two notebooks and a huge binder full of folders clumsily to her first three classes all year. The other students loved to knock them out of her arms when she wasn't paying attention but she did find that it helped her get to class on time. She had a similar strategy for her afternoon classes.

Lexa slipped in the door of her fourth hour class ignoring the usual chuckles from classmates. She never made it to this class on time. It didn't help that she was a sixth grader in an eighth grade level advanced placement course but she loved astronomy too much to turn the opportunity down. She was here to learn not care what the other kids thought about her. 

Lexa pushed her glasses up off the tip of her nose and opened her textbook. Tonight was the first night of a three night Super Moon phase. She was excited. The next time this would happen in the sky wasn't for another eighteen years.

Lexa had always thought that the night sky was interesting. Astronomy was a somewhat new hobby for her since her dad bought her a powerful telescope for Christmas not this year but the Christmas before. She was almost twelve years old then and he had still put 'From Santa' on the huge gift under the tree. Anya was fifteen at the time and she didn't seem to think it was annoying. She had played right along happily for Aden's sake. He was just four years old. Lexa supposed it was only right not to spoil his childhood enchantment. Their mother had spoiled enough of hers.

The teacher began to talk about the moon and it's position to the Earth and the details of why the moon would appear so huge in the sky. Lexa began meticulous note taking even though she knew the details by heart. She knew she was expected to and she usually did what was expected of her without being asked.

* * *

Later that night Lexa was up way past her bedtime studying for a big geometry test. She was really good at math even though she preferred English Literature and writing. She didn't really have an actual bedtime. Her mom never bothered to make sure she got enough sleep but Anya did.

Anya wouldn't say much to Lexa as long as she was studying or otherwise preparing for school. Her grades were perfect, all of them. All A's. She got a B- on her final exam last year in algebra. She was still pissed about it even though Anya kept telling that she didn't have to be perfect all the time.

Nobody Lexa had ever talked to knew of a fifth grader that had been moved up to Algebra. Most of her peers had been learning long division still. Anya had to ask Gus, the neighbor to pick Lexa up from her Upper Elementry School and give her a ride to the Middle School for an hour every day for the most of the school year because the Elementary school didn't even have an algebra teacher. Gus was happy to do it.

Gus was a hulk of a man who mostly wore leather and chains, his somewhat thin and balding hair in a long ponytail. He had a pleasant smile. He mowed the lawn at Lexa's house when he mowed his own so that Lexa or Anya didn't have to. Their mother wasn't going to do it, that was for sure.

Gus had rode Lexa to the middle school for her algebra class on his Harley which was alot of fun. She loved the wind whooshing past, the satisfying rumble of the motorcycle (even though it was sometimes loud), the thrill of it all. He had promised to teach her to ride someday and she thought she might just take him up on that offer. Someday.

Lexa kept turning around to check the big window behind her on the west wall of her bedroom. It faced the ocean. She didn't live right on the ocean but close. She had a pretty good view of it from that window and that was where she kept her telescope. Lexa could see the moon from this window as it set in the west if it wasn't too cloudy. It usually didn't appear until a few hours before she had to get ready for school, though.

Lexa heard her bedroom door creak and a light smile curled one side of her lips. She didn't look up until a small voice said "Are you going to look at the big moon with your taliscope, Leksa?" 

Aden... he found a reason to come to her room almost every night if he saw her bedroom light on. Like Lexa, he didn't sleep well. Lexa wasn't much for sleeping at night before their parents divorced three years ago but she remembered that Aden had slept well as an infant. This year he started kindergarten and sleep was important for him.

Anya was so busy balancing school and a social life with taking care of Lexa, Aden, usually their mother as well as making sure everything ran as smooth as possible that spending time with little Aden and comforting him, taking care of him mostly fell to Lexa. She didn't mind. He helped her feel less lonely at home.

Lexa took off her glasses and sat them on top of her geometry notes after moving her chair away from her desk. Aden pushed her bedroom door open enough for his tiny frame to fit through. He quickly tiptoed over to her on bare feet wearing superman pajamas and climbed into her lap.

She grinned and ruffled his blonde hair, always amused for some reason that he thought he should tiptoe even though his little feet never made noise on the carpeted floor. She kissed the top of his head. It smelled like his bubble gum scented kid shampoo from his bath earlier. She was very familiar with the smell. This was their usual routine. He looked up at her with saucer round innocent eyes.

"I AM going to look at the Super Moon tonight..." She confirmed looking down at him "...when it's time." She added. She turned them both in her chair so they were facing the open window behind them.

"Can I see too?" her little brother enquired. He had always wanted to do everything she did. It was adorable, endearing.

Lexa knew that many of her peers had little brothers and sisters. She had overheard them talking about it at school. They seemed to mostly despise being responsible for their younger siblings. They were so self absorbed, as if their social lives were more important than the happiness of a small child.

Lexa probably would not have survived her younger years if it wasn't for Anya. Anya was now sixteen and in eleventh grade. She had alot more homework than Lexa. She had friends and was learning how to drive but she never complained. She never had. Her people came first. Lexa knew what it was like to look up to an older sibling. She would never deny that to her younger brother no matter how annoying he could get.

Lexa squeezed Aden affectionately. "I don't know if tonight is the best time for you to look at the Super Moon. It might actually be bigger tomorrow night. It will last for three nights though. I promise that I won't let you won't miss it." She told her little brother knowingly. It was Thursday night and they had school the next day. She went on after the little boy didnt comment.

"I think tonight is a good night for you to help me read your 'Goodnight Moon' book." She arched an eyebrow encouragingly at the small boy in her lap. Aden was learning how to read and write in school. Lexa was the smartest of the three Woods children by far. She even helped Anya with her college level homework. Aden gazed up at her with his tiny fingers in his mouth and giggled cheerfully.

"You already know how to read, silly!!" He chuckled.

"Yes I do, but it's your favorite story, plus you already know how to read so many words!" Lexa kissed him on the forehead.

"Okay..." Aden agreed with a nod of his head. He didn't move so she stood with him in her arms and carried him back to his own bedroom. She threw him lightly, playfully on his bed. He shrieked gleefully and wiggled his feet. Another part of their nightly routine.

She tickled his feet until he laughed and then had the hiccups. She laughed lightly as she reached for the book on the bookshelf by his bed.

"Don't attract the Anya-Monster..." She warned as she sat next to Aden on the bed and pulled his blankets up around his chin.

"She not here...." he said almost somberly.

"....Ooohh?" Lexa raised both eyebrows curiously and hid a small frown as she made Aden comfortable by fluffing his pillows and propping him up on them a bit. She knew he wouldn't get sleepy if he wasn't comfortable.

"I was tirsty. I went to a dwink. Anya had her surfb- surfb-  surfboawd..." Aden struggled with the last word. Sometimes he struggled to speak when he was upset. Lexa knew the feeling.

"She will be back, Aden..." Lexa's tone was comforting. Anya was almost an adult. She was more responsible than their mother, really. If she wanted to go surfing late on a school night tthen so be it.

Lexa distracted Aden by opening his favorite book and drawing his attention to the words. They read it together four times before he started yawning. Lexa read it twice more herself before Aden's breathing was evened out beside her, his eyes closed.

Lexa went back to her bedroom and peered out the window at the dark night sky. Nothing looked different. She didn't see the moon, but it was only just past midnight. She heaved a deep sigh and sat on her bed. She was tired of geometry and didn't really need to study. She picked up her assigned monthly reading book 'To kill a mocking bird' by Harper Lee. She curled up with the book after making sure her alarm on her phone was set properly to wake up for school. She didn't think she would sleep but in case she did, she couldn't be late.

* * *

A week week later she was sitting by herself at lunch with her nose buried in the same book. She had just started the last chapter and was so involved with reading about Scout and Jem looking for treasure that she didn't notice when a boy sat at the same table across from her until he cleared his throat loudly.

Her head snapped up to look at him. He had hair so short it was virtually not even there and sparkling dark eyes. He was so muscular and well defined it almost made Lexa jealous. He seemed to have a nice smile plastered on his face but it appeared more mischievous than friendly. She had never seen him before.

"Are you gay?" He asked without hesitation and without even saying hello.

Lexa swallowed a mouthful of peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Her mouth and throat felt dry. She heard some football players snicker at a nearby table as she tried to wash the bite down with water. She tilted her head slightly. Her eyes narrowed as she studied the stranger who just sat near her. It made sense now, an initiation. He must be new. He looked like a football player. Lovely.

"I'm Lexa" She greeted. She was pleasant, but her tone was neutral and detached. She didn't answer his question. Her private life and intimate preferences were none of his business.

"Are you gay, Lexa?" He asked almost the exact same question.

Just who did this guy think he is, anyway? Her face fell and she turned her attention back to her book. She should have known better than to talk to him. She was always willing to give someone a chance, more than one. She was also well aware of the games that the popular kids played, however, and she refused to be baited. From the corner of her eye she saw him get up and leave after a few minutes.

A few hours later Lexa felt like a salmon swimming upstream as she made her way through the bustling hallways full of students at the end of the day. She almost missed her bus regularly and it always stressed her out. She froze just outside the doors when she heard a deep voice call her name. Great. Now what? She didn't have time for this. She turned her head and looked over her shoulder. The guy who had tried to talk to her on lunch break was coming toward her. Lexa noticed how tall he was as he seemed to wade through the sea of young teenagers with ease. 

She turned to find her bus with a groan. "Lexa, wait!" He was beside her in an instant.

"Look, I don't.... I'm not...."

"I'm sorry" He interrupted her. She looked up at him. Her mouth gaped. 

"I was rude. You seem really nice." He offered. She stared at him silently for a moment. She didn't even know what to say. Her attention was drawn by the busses that were parked in front of the school as they began to pull away. 

"Great! I missed my bus!" She gestured towards the large rumbling yellow vehicles.

"Come on," He turned to head back through the doors into the school. "I'll have my mom drive you home. I'm Lincoln." he introduced himself as she followed him.

* * *

* * *

 


	3. Costia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now in high school Lexa has more control over her own life. She's growing into an interesting and intelligent young woman. She has friends, hobbies, a life.  
> Lexa also has a crush on a dark eyed beauty. Costia is every bit as smart as Lexa and athletic with a sparkling smile, but will Lexa get the girl?

* * *

* * *

 "I will not go to prom with you, Lincoln, just No!"

Lexa shook her head and laughed lightly as she stuffed her books into her back pack. They had already had this discussion, they had been having it off and on since last year when she wouldn't go to prom with him then, either.

"Besides, any girl in this school would love to go to prom with you." 

"I don't want to go with any girl..." He countered with his usual come back "I want to go with my best friend."

Lexa shouldered her back pack and closed her locker. She looked at him squarely. She knew what he was doing. She appreciated it, she really did. He felt like school social functions were important. They made memories and friends that would last a lifetime.

Lexa disagreed. While Lincoln had alot of friends, Lexa was happy with just a few and Lincoln was her only close friend. He was safe, trustworthy. He knew that her parents were divorced, that Lexa was better at making a Bloody Mary for her mom than she was at cooking more than a frozen dinner. He never judged.

Sure, he had crushed on her for a year in middle school, but they were beyond that now. He only wanted to take her to prom as a friend.

As she walked through the school with Lincoln her eyes fell ahead of them where Costia's locker was located at the corner of a hallway juncture. She heaved a heavy sigh.

"How's she doing?" Lincoln asked beside her. His voice brought Lexa out of her daze. She looked up at his knowing smile.

"Staying home is driving her crazy, more crazy than the itching." Lexa replied fondly.

Costia had been out of school for almost three weeks with Chicken Pox. Lexa bit her lower lip to avoid the corners of her mouth dipping into a frown.

"Hopefully she will be back next week." Lexa couldn't avoid the wistful tone in her voice.

"Maybe you should ask her to prom..." Lincoln nudged her playfully. Lexa nudged him back harder than she meant to. He stumbled a few steps with a mildly surprised chuckle.

"Okay, enough karate and kickboxing for you!" He exclaimed in a vain attempt to verbally hide his embarrassment.

He knew. Anya knew, too. Of course Anya had known years ago. Lexa felt like everybody close to her seemed to know important things about her life before she did. She often wondered how she could be so smart yet so oblivious.

"She doesn't like me that way, dork!" Lexa could feel her skin flushing around the collar of her blue and grey flannel shirt. 

"She never dates guys, Lexa... and the two of you spend so much time 'studying' together..." he pointed out.

Lexa ignored his comment. "Kickboxing tomorrow?" she tried to change the subject. "I have to bring Aden. Anya has to work." He nodded. Lincoln loved Lexa's little brother as much as she did.

"I'll text you about it later. Now go, take your girlfriend her assignments." He teased as he turned towards the rear entrance of the school for daily football practice. 

She had met Costia at the beginning of tenth grade. They had been paired together for an English presentation. The two girls had instantly hit it off, surprisingly. Lexa had always felt like she was different than most of her peers. Mature said Anya, nothing wrong with that.

It really didn't occur to Lexa why she wasn't interested in dating guys until she met Costia. Looking back now it made sense. For some reason the girl in her first period Oral Communication class had caught her eye as soon as she walked into the room on the first of school last year.

She had soulful dark eyes and lashes so long and thick that she didn't need masquera. Lexa never sat at the front of the room, but the only empty seat was behind the exotic well dressed beauty who turned in her seat and introduced herself as Costia almost as soon as Lexa's ass hit the chair.

* * *

 

Lexa rode her bike to the deli. She needed to get colored pencils at some point over the weekend, but she should make some pocket cash babysitting Gus's neices on Saturday night. She went into the deli and emerged a few minutes later with a brown sack which she secured in the wire crate behind her bike seat before peddling the four miles to Costia's house.

She entered without ringing the bell and found Costia on the deck in the back yard. Lexa stood in the thresh hold of the back door for several minutes gazing at her. Costia's black hair was lit with red highlights in the late afternoon sun. Lexa still found her beautiful even with pink calomine lotion dotted all over her face.

Costia's soft voice broke the silence. "Lexa thank God you're here, I'm so fucking bored..."

Lexa set the deli bag on the patio table and took a seat.

"I brought you some chicken noodle soup and a bagel. How are you feeling?" She set soup and bagels out for herself and her friend then pulled two cans of soda out of her back pack.

"The itching is better today. I think I'm finally on the upswing. I'm starving Lexa, what would I do without you?" Costia opened her soda and Lexa felt a cheezy grin spread across her face.

An hour later Lexa left Costia's house and walked her bike to the street. Her phone chimed a text notification and she dug it out of the front pocket of her back pack to check it:

From Costia: Thank You Sweetheart ♡

* * *

They say time flies when you are having fun. Lexa had forgone going to Texas over Christmas break in her junior year with the justification that it would be good for Aden to have a one-in-one visit with their father now that he was old enough to fly by himself.

Anya was also staying in California for the holidays. She was working long hours after completing a year of Cosmetology school after graduation.

Lexa had gotten the best Christmas gift of her young life so far six days before Christmas when she was sitting on the beach with Costia. Both were happy and relaxed with semester finals over.

They had gone to star gaze on an amazingly clear but cold winter night. Costia leaned comfortably against Lexa under a blanket. Lexa could care less about the twinkling above them as she marveled at the wonder in Costia's eyes.

"Are you even paying attention?"

Costia's musical voice drew Lexa's attention to her rose petal lips as she spoke. Lexa could only stare at those lips and nod breifly. She licked her own lips nervously afraid to say something that would make her feelings known. She was paying attention, just not to the stars.

Before Lexa even knew what was happening Costia's lips were against hers. Lexa's eyes rolled back then closed. Her first kiss. It was sweeter than she could have imagined. Costia tasted like the peppermint gum she had been chewing and the world turned upside down as her tongue tip brushed against Lexa's. Lexa wrapped her arm around the girl's slim waist.

"I have been wanting to do that since you sat behind me last year..." Costia murmured against her lips. Her fingers caressed Lexa's jaw. Lexa smiled lightly.

"It took you long enough..." she murmured back, surprised that her voice actually worked. Her long fingers brushed a lock of Costia's hair back before her lips crashed against Costia's again passionatley. There was no way she was going to Texas to spend another boring Christmas at her father's.

* * *

"Don't move, I'm almost done!" Anya instructed as she put her black eye liner pencil back in her make up bag and dug around in it until she produced a tube of lip gloss.

Lexa couldn't even believe that she let her sister put make up on her. Sixteen years old and she had never even tried it though it was fun, she had to admit. It only added to her excitement as she waited patiently to look in the bathroom mirror and see what Anya had done to her.

It was her first Valentine's Day date, afterall. It was also the week of Costia's seventeenth birthday.

"Did you get her a birthday present yet?" Anya's eyes moved from Lexa's lips where she had just finished applying the gloss up to her younger sister's bright green eyes. She smiled excitedly.

"A locket!" Lexa smiled back.

"Did you put the picture of the two of you on Gus's Harley in it?" Anya's eyes grew more excited.

Lexa blushed and nodded.

"Show me!!" Anya virtually demanded as she gave a little hop.

"I got it, Lexa!" Aden's voice called out from the next room. So helpful. Lexa heard him pause his video game.

Anya put the lip gloss brush back in the tube and handed the tube to Lexa. 

"Take it so you can touch up your lips after dinner." She said warmly. She moved out of Lexa's view in the mirror. 

Lexa stared at her own reflection. She was amazed. Anya had expertly applied light shades of smoky grey eye shadow that brought out the darker green flecks in her eyes. Black liner accentuated their natural almond shape.

The effect was finished off with red lip liner and medium cherry red glistening lips. Lexa held back tears of gratitude and hugged her sister lightly. "Thank you Anya. You are seriously talented!"

"I will teach you. Take a picture of her with the locket on for me, okay?"

Lexa nodded in agreement as Aden trotted up to the bathroom door with the small white jewelry box that he had retreived off Lexa's desk so Anya could see Costia's combined birthday and Valentine's Day gift.

Much later after a movie and a nice dinner at Costia's favorite sushi bar Lexa walked Costia to her door. She held both of Costia's hands in hers as she looked at the dark windows. 

"Are your parents home?"

Costia shook her head. "They are in Washington visiting my sister and the baby. Do you want to come in?"

Lexa bit her lower lip nervously as her girlfriend unlocked the front door and led her into the house. She had forgotten to touch up her lip gloss all night.

Lexa stood in Costia's front room nervously. She had been in Costia's house countless times even when her and Costia were alone so she didn't understand why she was so nervous. This time just felt different.

Costia let her dog out into the backyard then disappeared without a word. Lexa took off her coat and hung it on one of the hooks by the door. She heard Costia call her name from somewhere in the house.

Lexa followed Costia's voice until she found her girlfriend at the top of the stairs. Costia's sweater was hanging on the bottom of the railing. Her heels were kicked off at the bottom of the stairs. Her black stockings were laying on the fourth step. She had taken her hair down already. It tumbled almost to her waist as she leaned against the wall. Lexa sucked in a shallow breath to avoid actually drooling.

"Come up here, I want to show you something..." she said softly.

Lexa fumbled for her pockets clumsily. "Shit, hold on!" 

Costia giggled at her from the top of the stairs as Lexa went back to the front room and fished the small white box out of her coat pocket. So forgetful. She huffed out a breath to calm herself and returned to find Costia still waiting in the same spot.

Lexa held the unwrapped gift in her left hand and ascended the stairs slowly as her right hand trailed along the railing. There was no hurry, it didn't sound as if anyone was going to interrupt them.

Costia immediatley pulled her into deep kisses as soon as she reached the top. "You look beautiful tonight, baby." She purred as their lips parted slightly. "Thank you for taking me out."

Lexa wrapped her right arm around Costia's waist and pulled her girlfriend close. She lifted Costia and took a step or two until the other girl's back landed against the wall eliciting a seductive sounding moan out of her. Lexa smirked softly and sucked on her girlfriend's lower lip. So hot.

"What did you want to show me?" she asked after several moments of heated kisses.

Costia brushed her lips against Lexa's. She began to unbutton Lexa's white shirt slowly. "My bed..." she breathed.

"I've seen your bed!" Lexa chuckled softly. She began walking them toward the bedroom as Costia undid the last button on her shirt and pushed it off her shoulders.

"...not with me naked in it" Costia broke away from Lexa's arms and began a slow strip tease. Lexa kicked off her shoes in the doorway and enjoyed the show. Her shirt hung open and the nip from the air was hardening her nipples through her bra. She had started to think that she was going to be a virgin for the rest of her life. 

Costia sauntered over to the doorway and slid Lexa's glasses off of her face. Folding them, she set them on her dresser next to the door. Lexa barely had time to set the small white jewelry box next to her glasses. She hadn't yet seen Costia naked, close but not quite. She had a feeling that this was going to be the best Valentine's Day of her life.

Costia gripped her shirt and pulled her forward. She licked Lexa's lips lightly as she turned and steered Lexa toward the bed. Lexa reached behind her hot girlfriend to take off her bra but she paused.

"Costia, are you sure you are ready for this? You know we don't have to - "

Costia cut her off with another deep kiss. She took off her own bra and panties as she nibbled of Lexa's lower lip. Lexa had a burning ache between her legs and she growled in the back of her throat as Costia rid herself of her own shirt and bra.

Costia was like a tigress in heat. She broke away from Lexa again and sprawled on the bed with her legs spread. Her large dark eyes were full of lust as she brushed her long dark hair behind her and began to touch herself.

"Why are you still wearing pants?" Costia arched an eyebrow seductively.

Lexa stripped off the rest of her clothes in record time and wrapped her arms around her girlfriend as she lay next to her. 

"You're so gorgeous..." Lexa whispered as she ran her hand slowly over soft curves until it fell on Costia's hand between her legs.

"Need help?" Her lips danced down the side of Costia's long neck.

Costia moaned loudly as Lexa's hand replaced hers. Her back arched. Her head tilted back. So fucking sexy.

Lexa dragged her long fingers through her girlfriend's soaked folds. She thought that she just wanted to stay naked in bed with this girl forever. Never leave.

She was enthralled by the rythmn of Costia's hips then she felt teeth graze her sensitive nipple and lips clamp around it, sucking hard. Lexa gasped as her nipple grew exquisitely, painfully perky. She was drenched now, her own legs parted, she was dripping onto her own thighs. 

* * *

Lexa was seeing stars. She never knew that was possible with her eyes closed. She was riding Costia's face with her head tilted back, her brown hair was sweaty and cascading down her back and her goddess of a girlfriend was licking her throbbing clit so fast and hard it made her legs tremble as she screamed.

She felt a gush as Costia sucked on her clit and Lexa ground her hips harder as sweet release washed over her. She gasped several times then tried to catch her breath as she gazed down at the girl below her.

"Cos.. F-f-fuck, fuuuck!" she studdered between gasping breaths because Costia was slowly swirling her tongue. Lexa felt like she was about to collapse. The other girl finally relented and moved, pulling Lexa down and into her arms.

They kissed for what felt like forever. Lexa had lost track of time, how many different ways she found herself between Costia's legs, she forgot what life was like before she learned what an orgasm is or what it felt like to feel her girlfriend's walls clench around her fingers as she made her come. 

When they had both finally had their fill of exploring each other's bodies sometime later Costia sat up. "So.... what's with the box?" She eyed the jewelry box on the dresser curiously. Lexa got up.

"It's an early birthday present, or a Valentine's Day present!" She brought the box to the bed and sat next to Costia, handing it to her.

Costia's big brown eyes gazed into Lexa's green eyes adoringly for a long moment then she looked down and opened the lid. Her jaw dropped. She stared at the silver heart shaped charm on a delicate silver chain. 

"Baby, I -"

"Open it..." Lexa interrupted.

She did. Lexa watched the look in her first girlfriend's eyes as she opened the locket and looked at the picture, at the engraving on the inside of the heart shaped door:  _LEXA + COSTIA = LEXTIA_

She threw her arms around Lexa. "Lexa I love it...!" her eyes teared up "....and I love you, I do!"

Lexa smiled. "I love you too, Costia, I do!"

* * *

* * *

 


	4. Love is Weakness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa found love in Costia. She did get the girl and it was everything she hoped for and more. It would appear as if her life is complete and that she is headed for a bright future, is it?

 

* * *

* * *

Lexa tried to breathe. All she could do for the past six days was just try to breathe. It felt like a huge heavy weight was crushing her chest. She couldn't sleep, she had no appetite. She didn't think, she was afraid to even think about actually thinking because then she might have to consider reality. She'd rather not. She'd rather quit breathing than face reality.

Anya came into her bedroom. Lexa heard her. She was wearing her only black dress and standing at the window in her bedroom watching the rain. She hated wearing dresses. 

"Lexa..." Anya put her hand on Lexa's shoulder.

Lexa didn't turn. Her body wracked with a deep sob but no tears came. She usually didn't cry but she had cried oceans in just a few days. Now she had no more tears. Cried out, quite literally. She never wanted to cry again. She never wanted to feel again. Anya cleared her throat.

Lexa turned her head slightly and glimpsed her sister in the corner of her eye.

"Why did she go?" she wondered out loud for the millionth time. It didn't matter now but Lexa couldn't get that question out of her head. Nothing made sense. 

"We should leave." Anya said quietly. Lexa shook her head. She didn't want to leave her room. She hadn't left it in six days.

"Her sister will be there, Lexa. Costia would want you to be there..." Anya said encouragingly. Lexa sighed heavily. She stood silently for several long moments. 

"I'll wait by the door." Anya said then left Lexa's room to give her some space.

Costia had left with her parents fifteen days ago. They were driving to Washington state over spring break. I was their senior year.

Lexa hadn't wanted her to go. Could she have stayed? Maybe. Should she have stayed? Definitely. Without a doubt.

Lexa knew it somehow, she had _FELT_ it before Costia left. Some unknown and seemingly random intuition, a feeling of impending doom but she didn't say it. That fact now looped constantly in Lexa's head along with that question. Why did she go?

She didn't ask Costia to stay.

Lexa would never forgive herself.

Costia and Lexa had texted regurlarly and talked on the phone every day after Costia left. It was her little neice's third birthday. Lexa received countless pictures. Happy family, adorable toddler, smiling grandparents.

Lexa didn't know how long it would be before she would be able to look at the pictures on her phone again. 

Costia and her parents never made it home. They left Washington eight days ago for the long drive back to California. Lexa had had a long phone call with Costia late that night during the drive.

They had known each other for over two and a half years. Costia had been Lexa's girlfriend for almost fifteen months. They hadn't spent so many days apart in all of that time. 

She should have stayed. Why didn't Lexa ask her to stay?

Lexa had waited up that night because Costia had promised to call when she arrived safely at home. That never happened. Lexa hadn't slept. In the morning Costia's sister had called.

Just three short hours from home Costia and her parents had stopped to fill the gas tank. Anya would later tell Lexa the details that the police were able to put together. 

When Costia and her parents had pulled back out onto the road they were hit by a drunk driver. A van driven by a woman named Nia Azgeda hit them head on after crossing the yellow line. The woman had just left a bar.

It happened at 12:53 am. Costia's father probably never saw the van coming. The only skid marks on the road seemed to be from the tires of the car that Costia and her parents were in as it was pushed into oncoming traffic then hit by a large truck.

Costia had been thrown thirty feet from the car. The paramedics said she had probably died instantly, she didn't suffer.

Nia Azgeda the drunk driver survived. Lexa hoped she could sleep at night with the guilt of what she had done because Lexa doubted that she would ever sleep again.

Lexa turned away from the window. She went to the memorial service with Anya. There was no bodies at least, Lexa was thankful for that. It would have been closed casket, anyway. 

Lexa lingered in the entryway of the funeral home after the service. She just wanted to go home and be in her room, get out of this stupid dress.

She saw so many people from school. They all tried to talk to her as if they had even cared about Costia when she was alive. Tragedy has a way of bringing people together. It only made Lexa feel more sick.

Lincoln came home. Being a year older and a grade higher than Lexa he had graduated the year before.  A football scholarship had fallen through so he had enlisted in the army. When Costia was killed he took a month of leave. He took another month of leave just seven weeks later.

* * *

"You can't push your feelings down forever, Lexa.." they were sitting on a bench behind Aden's school watching little league practice. Lexa would graduate in less than a month. Without Costia. She did everything without her first love when she had gotten so used to doing almost everything with her.

"I can do whatever I want!" she bit back. Damn him. Lexa almost wished that Lincoln hadn't come back to visit so soon after the accident. He was being a supportive friend, she was aware of that. He came to see his friends graduate. He was worried about her. People didn't have to worry. She was fine.

"You will find love again..." Lincoln said. 

"Love is weakness...." she replied. Lincoln sighed.

She knew it was true when she was much younger, but she had let Costia in. She just had to be more careful from now on. She didn't blame Costia, of course, she blamed herself.

Lexa had built walls around her sensitive heart long ago when her father left. She made them tall and thick and had reinforced them as much as she could but somehow Costia had slipped through a crack in those walls.

"Is that why you won't talk to Echo, because 'Love is weakness'?" Lincoln raised an eyebrow and looked at her knowingly. Lexa didn't look away. She wasn't ashamed. 

Lincoln knew the girl Echo's older brother, they had both played football together. Lexa had known all year that Echo was bi-curious. She'd recently fucked the girl more than once. It was an experiment. Lexa was perfecting the art of feeling physically but not emotionally. It was working.

"I'm sure I'll talk to her in school, Lincoln." Lexa said rather coldly. "It's not like I can avoid her forever...."

Turns out that the girl who had once wondered if she would be a virgin forever had game, afterall. Plenty of it.

Lexa had always been more beautiful than most of the other girls in school. She was incredibly smart, witty, knew how to have fun when she wanted to. When she was in middle school the boys all crushed on her. The girls at least secretly wanted to be as pretty or as smart as her.

In high school everybody knew she was gay, she had Costia. She had never had interest in boys but that was okay. Lexa's peers could only wish that their boyfriends were as gorgeous, smart, sweet and attentive as Lexa was. That they had love like Lexa and Costia did.

Lexa didn't know what Echo expected from her. They were graduating soon then Lexa would be gone. She planned to spend the summer in Texas with Aden. She really didn't care about seeing her father again but this would be the last summer she could spend with her little brother. She had to make the most of it.

* * *

Lexa and her father each sat on a swing on the playground watching Aden and the other kids play.

"Are you excited?" He asked. She nodded slightly. She wasn't, really. She was only glad to be leaving California. Lexa was becoming very good at telling people what they wanted to hear.

Costia haunted her everywhere. It had started in the hallways of the high school when Lexa had finally returned. She couldn't concentrate in school because she couldn't breathe again.

Costia had been haunting her dreams since she was killed. Exhaustion had finally taken over and she was able to sleep sometimes. Now Lexa's days were haunted, too.

She had heard Anya telling Lincoln at home that it was a good thing that Lexa was so responsible, so driven. She had submitted applications to colleges as early as possible. Lexa was only glad that she had applied to several good universities nationally. She just wanted to be away from it all.

Last month while she had been packing for her trip to Texas a letter arrived. Acceptance to New York University with a writing scholarship, a full ride. Anya was beyond excited.

"I will make sure you have what you need, Lexa." Her father offered. "At least for the first year. It's important that you focus on your classes and adjust to life on campus. You shouldn't try to work a job, even part time. College isn't easy. Especially after -"

"Don't...." Lexa cut him off. She pushed back tears. 

She knew that she was fortunate to have people to help her, people who cared. She hadn't stopped to consider what she would have done without them. Lexa had earned this free ride to New York University.

She had always worked hard, excelled, made good choices. While it seemed that Lexa held the world in the palm of her hand just past the edge of eighteen she felt empty. She had experienced the best kind of love there is, but it had slipped through her fingers. As far as she was concerned nothing else really mattered. She was on autopilot.

Aden was walking slowly towards them. He had something cupped in his hands. He smiled brightly as he opened them to show Lexa a vibrantly colored butterfly. It fluttered up into the bright sky. Lexa pulled her brother into a hug and whispered 'thank you'.

"He's going to miss you" Her father said affectionately.

"I'm going to miss him too." Lexa replied as she watched Aden join in a game of hide and seek with other children on the playground. "I wish he didn't have to stay in California."

"He's still too young for college." her father chuckled.

* * *

Lexa finally found herself on a one way flight out of California in the third week of August. She had done as much research as possible.

New York City is a huge place. So many opportunities, her father and Anya had said. Lexa was ready to be somewhere different, to get away from the ghost of the girl she loved so deeply.

High school had been easy. She was simply ready to throw herself into new challenges. She felt like New York was a good choice. She could get lost in such a populated area. She could be faceless.

After a long flight Lexa hailed a taxi outside the huge airport. She was overwhelmed and tired. She looked forward to finding her dorm room and relaxing in the solitude before beginning classes the following week.

* * *

* * *

 

 


End file.
